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#Sundays- Writing, Peace and Winter.

so much written ah πŸ™‚

With each passing day, I grow lazier. I’ve been at home aka my PG room for the past 3 days, and you’d think I was at least a bit productive, but nope, nothing. What is saddening, is the fact that how once upon a time, I could eat up books in a matter of hours, and now I can’t even finish reading a 20-page book in 3 days. What a pathetic state. And when my reading has reduced this much, one can just imagine the condition of my writing skills.

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Image Source: pexels.com

Every night before I sleep, I turn the lights off, and open the curtains slightly, to let a bit of the light from the streets pour in, and illuminate my room with a dim yellow shimmer. As I do this, before I go to sleep, I stare out the window, and onto the quiet, lonely street that I stay on. This is usually around midnight, and not a soul is around at this time. The street looks as lonely as it possibly could under the dim, depressing yellow streetlights, with no animals or people engaging in any sort of activity on this tiny lane. As I stare out at this point, a scenario which I might just have described to be depressing gives me immense peace on the inside. How? I don’t know. But something about just sitting at the window, in a room full of darkness, staring out into an empty street, a cozy blanket around, is very calming. And the silence of the night hour also gives me time to ponder over things. This is precisely the time, when I think about writing, and what I should be writing, and why am I not writing. And this is also precisely the time when I decide that I’ll definitely do it the next day, and end up not doing it. And I know, the only way I can actually accomplish it, is by actually starting and not waiting for motivation to happen. Let discipline take the cake, and I shall definitely try, but then again, there are too many pending things, and I know that unless I start finishing them off one by one, there is no way it’s going to happen but I experience a slight gap between knowing what is to be done and actually doing it.

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Image Source: pexels.com

Also, lately I realize that I haven’t written poetry in so long. Every night I think of that too. And I don’t know if it happens to others, but sometimes there are certain things I see, certain people I meet, or certain incidents that happen, that make me go, “Hey I could write a poem on this.” Now it’s not like I’m meeting these people, or experiencing certain things just so I could write about it, but it’s like an involuntary action happening, where my brain just immediately clicks and asks me to pen it down, it’s just that I never really get to it. Moreover, I remember a few months back I was pondering over how my writing style has changed, especially with respect to poetry as I went from writing pieces with choruses that would fit a rhythm and meter, to just long pieces with rhyme and tune to free verse and to narrative style. And it’s nice to see that, but I just felt like as I moved to more free verse and narrative, the sense of music started to slip out, and as much as it’s not a bad thing and these are individual styles in itself too, a part of me really doesn’t want to let go of the previous ones. These are where I started and I still would love to go back to the same. Write to the music in my head.

Image result for dead poets society quotes
Image Source: pinterest.com

Today, I was discussing with a friend how certain people just use fancy words while talking or writing just to sound smarter. Now to me, writing is about communicating something so I believe it should be simplistic but at the same time good enough to convey the message you want to put across/make another person visualise something well enough. But then again, the simplicity of writing is a subjective concept. What is simplistic to me, might not be the same for the next person. Maybe I’ll feel dumb for not understanding certain terms, and the other person just finds these same terms normal. But what might be a good thing to do here, is probably find out what these fancy words you don’t know mean are. Not only would that add to one’s vocabulary, but also make them realize if the person writing/speaking is making any sense or not.

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Image Source: fanfest.com

And, lastly, tomorrow morning, the first thing I do, even before I brush my teeth is, turn my laptop on, and download the first episode of Game of Thrones Season 7. Because WINTER IS FINALLY HERE. The Great War is here. And anybody who gives me spoilers should know that I choose violence πŸ™‚

 

 

#Sundays- Moving out, and Appearances.

So my ‘post every Sunday regime’ got broken already as I didn’t post last Sunday. Hmm, that’s a bit of sad state my dedication levels are at. You’d think this would be a long post, but sadly, it isn’t.

For starters, I’m back in Bangalore. Single room, quiet and simple town life. We were busy moving everything to the new room, which would explain why I couldn’t post. As the week progressed, I saw newbies come to our PG. And just like any other senior, I find them dumb. It’s funny watching them struggle to carry their huge bags up the stairs and asking very stupid questions, not knowing the locality, etc. Such a throwback to last year when we were in their place. I love knowing that a year has gone by. We are no more the new batch. We are seniors. And it’s another three years till the degree.

Image result for the teal door cafe
Image Source: foodlovers.in

Today we went to The Teal Door Cafe, for lunch, with the dear family of my close PGmates. And as much as I’m not a fan of going out, or spending much anymore, I appreciate the presence of certain people quite a lot even if I fail at expressing it. We always have those people who make things seem alright. And it’s so nice to have them around. Although next time, I’d probably like going for dinner instead of lunch because I don’t want to wake up, haha.

As I moved out, I was a bit worried if I’d find myself lonely sometimes. But at least for now I don’t. I find myself at the old building with my friends pretty much every day, also given the fact that the mess is there. It’s nice to know that I can just show up there and we can spend time together, have a good chat, eat, and have fun. It’s also nice that I can come back here and enjoy my peace. However, I still haven’t quite figured out why this place feels safe and my home in Mumbai doesn’t. Maybe someday I’ll know.
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Lately, I realized when you’re close to someone, you give them rights, to be honest with you, but sometimes it might come out wrong. Like being honest is good, being honest about how someone looks is not? I don’t think one person or a bunch of close ones should get to decide what looks good on you and what doesn’t. People who are close to you are supposed to be the ones who see beauty in you the way you are, and not ones who ask you to change things about yourself just so you look appealing to them. There are so many dumb people out there with nothing but good eyebrows, nobody goes and asks them to get a brain transplant, so hey, how about we stop making it seem like you can’t do a thing if you don’t look pretty?

 

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#Sundays- Expenses, Approaches and Going back.

I’m so lazy, sleepy and unproductive.

As usual, I write at the end of the day. I’d like to pretend that I do so because I want to experience whatever this day has to offer me, and then pen whatever gets stuck on my mind, but as we know I’m too much of a pessimistic, lazy, procrastinating asshole for that. But today, I am writing about something about the day. We went for dinner to this really fancy restaurant. And now, my parents seem to be totally fine with the overpriced items on the menu, but I wasn’t. Of course, they are paying, so I do not need to worry, but I can’t help but do so. I’ve become so used to my staying away lifestyle, where I have to worry about expenses, that a good majority of things are expensive for me. Yes, that restaurant was genuinely expensive, but lately, I’ve come to realize how obsessed I am with how much things are costing. Moreover, me being the pessimistic person I am, is no help whatsoever, as I let my mind wander and convince myself that I won’t get a job or grades, or anything that I probably want, even if I work for it. I’ve come to realize that I need to stop worrying about a job, and paying my parents back for investing in my costly as hell degree, for now at least. I need to just keep giving my best at what I do, and hopefully, things fall into place. But all of this is better said than done. I know once I get back to Bangalore by the weekend, I’ll be back to being the person who has accepted that she won’t get a job as a product designer, as a fact.

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Image Source: pexels.com

Talking about Bangalore, I have gotten myself so comfortable at home, it’s going to take me a few days getting used to PG life again. But I know I will be able to, given the friends I have there. I’ll of course be missing home, and the people who make this city home. The part about being in Mumbai I like the most is the food, but also that I don’t have to care about anything. Parents are here, and living under their roof has rules, but there’s a lot of being carefree too. Being an introvert, I don’t go out often especially at night or anything, thus not breaking any of their rules. Plus hey, I don’t have to worry about money, or where anything is kept, or cleanliness, etc. Fully dependant life that I totally enjoyed for two whole months, with no shame whatsoever. It’s going to be hard getting back to doing certain chores at least, even though most things at PG are managed by the domestic helpers there. But a part of me knows I have to do this, because literally, the only thing I accomplished in the past two months is being lazy and unproductive. Yes, when I’m in Bangalore I have to be responsible and worried, and I become pessimistic and annoying but in all honesty, all that does lead me to do what I do, and utilize the minimum amount of spare time I get into doing something I like pretty well. So yeah, it might be a bit hard for the first few days, but eventually, I know I’ll get used to it again, and it’ll all be good.

 

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#Sundays- Cricket, Memes and Creativity.

Well, well, well…

Today, we saw Pakistan emerge victorious in the ICC Champions Trophy, and let’s say quite a few Indians were really really disappointed. As usual, our news channels were quick at pointing out flaws, adding exaggerated headlines, and what not. It’s so easy to do so, isn’t it? Sit in front of a screen, or even in a stadium, and just pass comments. It’s so easy to judge when the subject isn’t you. But when it’s something personal or close, we have to be sensitive and defend ourselves against everything anyone has to say. Now I’m someone who admires performing arts. I’ve also been onstage a few times now and then. Even then there’s a kind of pressure. Stage fright and nervousness about how things will turn out. And this is to a tiny audience, nothing major. When cricketers play in a stadium, the people are in thousands. Cheering and booing at their every move. Even if you practise day and night there’s got to be pressure. And nobody likes losing. You can be sporting about the defeat but nobody plays with an intention to lose. Moreover, as I said, pointing fingers is easy. Doing something isn’t. People in our country, don’t just see Cricket as a sport. It’s more to them. A lifeline of sorts. But at some point, everyone has to understand that the players are humans too and wins and losses are bound to happen. They lost, it’s alright. Life goes on…

Image result for icc champions league 2017
Image Source: Hindustan Times

But what I also like about this is the amount of humour. For a lover of memes like me, it’s a beautiful time to exist. For once, I find myself sharing memes on the entire scenario of the match that is going on, and not self-deprecating ones. Before the match, I saw memes mocking the other team, and when we were on the losing side, I saw memes about that too. Like we can make memes out of anything. Humour just comes to us, doesn’t it? I love how this happens though. This is a situation where all my die-hard cricket fan buddies are genuinely disappointed. Yet something about these memes and humour is helping them out here. Humour, rising out of sadness. Impressive.

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Image Source: Firstpost

On the other hand, we did win the Hockey World League semi-finals. This was India V/S Pakistan too, and we won by 7-1. But of course, much importance isn’t being given here, because it’s not cricket. Huge victory anyway though. It’s high time everyone started noticing and giving importance to sports other than cricket too.

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Image Source: pexels.

In other irrelevant news, I continue having my minor jerks of creativity, where I need to get my ideas somewhere. This used to happen to me with respect to book plots because I really want to be an author someday. Now, it happens to me with film plots too. And of course, all these ideas lie idle in one corner of my head. Hopefully, I get them on paper someday. Maybe that’d be more plausible if I was more organised with what I did and how I did. For example, if I wrote regularly, I’d probably have a book by now, but no, I don’t. Because I keep procrastinating under the pretext of ‘not being inspired enough to pen down anything.’ I wonder if it happens to every creative person though? Random ideas and then not really knowing what to do with it. Or just not being inspired enough. Or wanting to see the end of that idea but not being able to do justice to work on it.

 

 

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#Sundays- Rains and Longing

I might be a bit obsessed with rains..

As I write this, with a stomach overly filled because of my inability to stop eating when there’s good food, regardless of how full I already am, I look back over the week I had, my eyes slightly drooping as the clock strikes 11:38 pm. Funny how doing absolutely nothing can also tire you out.

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Image Source: http://www.pexels.com

Over the past week, I had the joy of witnessing a lot ofΒ  rains in my city of Mumbai. However, these weren’t proper downpours, the kind that I like. But rains nevertheless, appreciated by the pluviophile that I am. A part of me awaits to go to Bangalore and move into my new room, which is closer to the terrace so I can go to the terrace whenever it rains, and just sit there enjoying the feeling of water droplets falling all over me, consuming me. What I have also come to realize is the different scenarios associated with rain needn’t necessarily feel the same to all. Like I always thought that reading a book as it rains, and sipping coffee at the same time, is a heavily blissful experience, but as someone who tried it, let’s say I didn’t particularly enjoy it. It wasn’t bad, it was just not out of the ordinary for me, individually. On the other hand, sleeping to the sound of rain pouring outside, hitting on rooftops and making noise has got to be one of the best feelings to me personally.

Water Droplets on Clear Glass
Image Source: http://www.pexels.com

 

It really needs to pour for a few days at a stretch here in Mumbai. It bothers me to know that these showers can’t tame the heat here. It needs to get colder and more pleasant. Now that’s what I love and miss about Bangalore. The climate is heavenly compared to home. Yes, it’s cold and it takes incredible efforts to get out of bed every morning to get to college but sometimes that’s literally all you need and want.

 

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#Sundays- Terrorism, Feminism and Weddings.

Too many thoughts going around in my head, over the week. πŸ™‚

The last time I posted, I was talking about the Manchester Attack at Ariana’s concert. And over the week, there have been quite a few terrorist attacks in different parts of the world including Muslim countries like Afghanistan, killing innocent people. As it turns out, Muslims are quite a large population of victims of terrorism too, then why do we get the rights to blame it all on them? Yes a good majority of terrorists that are known or organizations that are known might be Muslim, but there’s also the same people and organizations formed from non-muslims too. Is it hard to establish that terrorism has no religion?
What a shame it is, to know that we are so obsessed with destroying each other. Killing each other, and then putting the label of a certain group or religion on it, because that makes it so much better doesn’t it? Instead of finding out the culprits, we can thus be suspicious of everyone’s motives with us.unnamed (3)

Moving on, I like to believe I’m a feminist. I believe that both genders are equal and should be given equal rights. And women right now, need to be empowered so that we can be as good as the men in our society. And empowered women empower women. #GirlLove is so important. But due to a turn of events that took place over the weekend, I’ve come to realize that women don’t think twice before pulling each other down just to make themselves feel good about their own existence. It’s pitiful for any human to be doing that, and being able to lead their normal life knowing they probably made someone feel really bad about themselves. And what is it with commenting on someone’s looks? Your facial features are supposed to be a bonus, not the whole package. So many people preaching feminism and women empowerment and then not even thinking once before spreading hate against another one from our community of women. What gives any woman the right to go ahead and insult another? Is it just to make herself feel better and different from others? Because that’s going to just help you as an individual feel better and do absolutely nothing about being better as a community.Β images (40)

The week for me, was an entirely hectic one. With a relative’s marriage, where I came to the realization that marriage is just not for me, I think that’s enough for me. Marriages are such extrovert meet-ups. And it’s not even like extroverts need to meet-up. They do it anyway. Now at this wedding, there were so many unknown relatives, one of them suggested my mother dearest, that she’ll soon have a son-in-law. Let’s talk about how this woman doesn’t even know me. But she’s already all prepped up for my marriage, which ain’t happening for a multitude of reasons. Lets begin with my inability to extrovert at someone else’s wedding, let alone my own. Then, I have way too many goals to accomplish, and being someone’s wife is very unfortunately, not one of them. Goals before assholes.Β images (42)

During this wedding period of 4-5 days, which were merrily spent with my relatives(please note the sarcasm), I happened to have heard some more comments which made absolutely no sense. A cousin was getting yelled at for back-answering someone older, and as much as I know he should be, because back-answering isn’t done, what he did was, in my opinion, not anything wrong. Maybe he should have had a lid on his temper, so yes, yell at him for that. But what kind of logic is,”He/She is right because he/she is older.” Well, relatives, you’re older too, but you’re ignorant too. Most people who are a few generations older, happen to not be open to a good majority of topics, and are really narrow-minded when it comes to accepting and coming to terms with a good amount of concepts and ideologies. So no, just because you’re older, you’re not necessarily wiser.Β 20170604_185325

Finally, I write this sitting in a nice cozy room in the cool hillstation of Panchgani, as a nice view of the valley is right outside the window to my left. It feels good, to finally relax and take a breath in relief, with no extroverts socializing around me. In the past few days, I had experienced severe annoyance with everyone, but I also did experience some nice occurences too. Like the car ride yesterday evening, I saw the colours of the sky change from blues to violets and reds as the lower curves of the clouds seemed to be highlighted by the oranges and reds, the sun setting soon. The beautiful valley of Panchgani, appeals a lot to me. The quiet here is something I’m enjoying right now, but I’m quite sure I’ll be finding it eerie soon enough. The cool breeze here and the quiet are taking me back to the tiny town in Bangalore where I stay most of the year, because education. The weather is something I’m indulging in, and I know in just another month, it’ll be a regularity for me.
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#Sundays – Manchester Attacks and Revisiting Bangalore.

Decided to start something like a weekly segment, so that I put things up here. πŸ™‚

I decided that I’ll write a post every Sunday, to make this a somewhat active blog. Sundays with Srushti. Gonna be one of those things I decide I’ll surely do and end up not accomplishing. But then I’ll also tell myself after successfully failing at this, that at least I had the guts to try and not everyone does, but I know that’s my own way of making myself feel good about my existence.

Let’s start with how shattering the Manchester terrorist attack has been. If you do not have an idea about this, here’s explaining it in short- A suicide bomber attended Ariana Grande’s concert last week and as the concert ended, the bomb blasted, killing around 20 fans and injuring about 50 others.
Concerts are places where people go to have a good time. I have only ever been to one concert, but I loved every second of it. And I have followed certain artists, including Ariana, enough to know that if I go to her concert, I’d be totally into it. Quite sure the same can be said about the fans who were attending the concert that day, and those who are now scarred for life because of the events that took place, the wounded ones and especially those who met their fate. What a sad thing it is, to kill people at a place where they only came to have a good time and take back beautiful memories. If this isn’t enough, people blamed Ariana for the attack and of being an attention-seeker, dragging the attention of the victims of the attack.

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Image Source: Herald Sun

There’s this thing called survivor’s guilt. The fact that this attack happened at her concert, and innocent people lost their lives due to the same, must have affected her too. Moreover, she offered to pay for their funerals, and is holding a charity concert, the funds from which shall go to the families of the victims’ of the Manchester attack. Concerts are supposed to be a safe haven for everyone to come and enjoy, not a gateway to death. What happened is truly saddening, and makes us question the safety and security of not just concert venues, but even a lot other crowded places we so regularly visit, like metro stations/travelling by metro trains, supermarkets, etc.

Image result for manchester attacks ariana
Image Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk

But it’s only during times of peril, that we see gems of humanity rise. During the days following Manchester attack, willing donors queued up outside hospitals to donate blood for the wounded and needy. Free taxi rides were being provided to anyone who might need to get back home safely. A few hotels were taking in children who were lost and needed shelter. When you notice acts like these taking place, that’s when you feel like there’s still hope in this world. Hope for a better future. Hope for humanity.

 

Moving on to other things, I’d like to talk about, I realize it’s been a month since I have been back home in Mumbai. And I love Mumbai. A friend asked me once to say the first word that comes to my mind when someone mentions Mumbai. And it was Dreams. Everytime I’m in Bangalore, there’s a slight longing for Mumbai. Something about it pulls me towards it always.

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Image Source: http://www.toursara.com

But lately, I’ve come to realize what a year in Bangalore has done to me. As I lead my carefree lifestyle under my parents’ roof in Mumbai, I casually keep mentioning something or the other about Bangalore every now and then. Like the other day, I went to McDonald’s with a friend, and we both got ourselves soft drinks. I noticed how they have the plastic cap over the glass. So I started telling my friend how we don’t get that in Bangalore, as Bangalore tries minimizing plastic as much as possible. And I took all the pride as I let her know that.
And oh, the talks and stories about PG are endless. About how I’m the father of the family, to late night conversations on the footpath, and the surprise birthday parties, and eating at tiny local shops, there’s so many memories I have. And even though I am not the most optimistic of people, I realize I have a lot to be thankful of. The second semester at college got me some amazing friends, fun, and a lot to look forward too. So, I guess I could say that I’m kinda looking forward to second year, even though I don’t really have much hope from Industrial at my college.

 

 

I think that’s a good amount of writing for the day, and it feels good to have written what I felt. Also, if you’d like to donate for the victims of the Manchester attack, here’s the link for the same-
https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/westandtogethermanchester

πŸ™‚ Peace πŸ™‚