#Sundays- Internet Friendships & Happiness.

I forgot last Sunday effectively.

Another Sunday. I skipped the last one, because of very stupid reasons, but what’s gone is gone, and I can’t keep fretting over it all the time. So hey, I forgot to post last Sunday. I’m unproductive sometimes(the entire week), but hey, nevermind.

And it’s that time of the year. Friendship Day. A bit weird how we need a particular day to declare our love for our friends, but the same can be said about Mothers’ Day, Fathers’ Day, Valentines Day, etc. Although I’d like to believe if someone is your friend after a particular age, you know whether they are here to stay or not. Why do you need a particular day for that? Although sometimes a declaration from friends about how much you mean to them, could mean a lot. Moreover, it’s funny how people judge other people based on how they became friends with someone. I have friends I met over the internet, over a band obsession I had in high school, and we still talk. It’s been about 4 years since then, I’ve met them now, and we’re still pretty much in touch, and I know if I need any help, they’ll be there. In fact, I know if I ever find myself alone or lost in their hometowns, they’re just one call away. And for some reason, it makes me feel safe.Β  I’m not promoting internet friendship here or saying that everyone should add random people for friends, but I do believe that some things are just meant to happen, and friendships are one of them. Sometimes you meet people, and you just connect. And I’m not even the most social person there is. Hell, I’m the total opposite. And I still believe that certain people are meant to walk into your life and to stay.

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Image Source: pexels.com

Also, a good conversation with a friend resulted into talking about Happiness. I’ve realized how aimless I am about what I see happiness as, in future. But maybe I do not need to see it as something in the future, but something that I’m supposed to achieve now. But currently, I’m a little tired of actually achieving anything in general. Moreover, I think, hope is what we all live on. We all like to hope for a better tomorrow, and it acts as a driving force for our present. So when I say, that I don’t really have much that I’m actually looking forward to, then what is my driving force here? And yes, I have a lifetime to figure out what I’m doing, and making peace with being this lost, but then I also wonder, if I really do have a lifetime, or is that something I keep telling myself, pretending to buy more time for myself, while my clock ticks by, each second as important as the one before..

 

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#Sundays- Thinking a lot.

i can’t think??

As time passes by, I’ve come to realize how much time I have to myself. Now when you get so much time to yourself, and when you’ve got nothing to do, you’re forced to be with your thoughts. I’ve come to realize that it’s not the best idea for me at least. Alone time is good. I cherish my own company over anyone else’s, but sometimes, giving so much time to just myself and my thoughts lead to certain dark corners of my mind that I do not like to go over. There are some lonely dark lanes that we are told to not go, after a certain point of time, during the day, and same could be said about the mind. It’s fine to just think about something, but once you intently start putting a lot of thought into it, that could be a bit dangerous. You could find yourself wishing that you hadn’t come this far. Moreover, sometimes these thoughts are about things that haven’t even happened. Maybe, it’s not about you at all, but someone altogether different. But it keeps coming to you, and that is very annoying.
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Finally, my joblessness is going to come to an end, as my courses for college start tomorrow. Second year begins, and I don’t know how much my motivation levels will last, but lets at least start with a bit of enthusiasm, if not anything else. Signing up for an entire year’s course has been a bit of a pain, but it does make you feel more responsible. So if you don’t like what you do, you’re the only one to be blamed here.

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#Sundays- Writing, Peace and Winter.

so much written ah πŸ™‚

With each passing day, I grow lazier. I’ve been at home aka my PG room for the past 3 days, and you’d think I was at least a bit productive, but nope, nothing. What is saddening, is the fact that how once upon a time, I could eat up books in a matter of hours, and now I can’t even finish reading a 20-page book in 3 days. What a pathetic state. And when my reading has reduced this much, one can just imagine the condition of my writing skills.

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Image Source: pexels.com

Every night before I sleep, I turn the lights off, and open the curtains slightly, to let a bit of the light from the streets pour in, and illuminate my room with a dim yellow shimmer. As I do this, before I go to sleep, I stare out the window, and onto the quiet, lonely street that I stay on. This is usually around midnight, and not a soul is around at this time. The street looks as lonely as it possibly could under the dim, depressing yellow streetlights, with no animals or people engaging in any sort of activity on this tiny lane. As I stare out at this point, a scenario which I might just have described to be depressing gives me immense peace on the inside. How? I don’t know. But something about just sitting at the window, in a room full of darkness, staring out into an empty street, a cozy blanket around, is very calming. And the silence of the night hour also gives me time to ponder over things. This is precisely the time, when I think about writing, and what I should be writing, and why am I not writing. And this is also precisely the time when I decide that I’ll definitely do it the next day, and end up not doing it. And I know, the only way I can actually accomplish it, is by actually starting and not waiting for motivation to happen. Let discipline take the cake, and I shall definitely try, but then again, there are too many pending things, and I know that unless I start finishing them off one by one, there is no way it’s going to happen but I experience a slight gap between knowing what is to be done and actually doing it.

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Image Source: pexels.com

Also, lately I realize that I haven’t written poetry in so long. Every night I think of that too. And I don’t know if it happens to others, but sometimes there are certain things I see, certain people I meet, or certain incidents that happen, that make me go, “Hey I could write a poem on this.” Now it’s not like I’m meeting these people, or experiencing certain things just so I could write about it, but it’s like an involuntary action happening, where my brain just immediately clicks and asks me to pen it down, it’s just that I never really get to it. Moreover, I remember a few months back I was pondering over how my writing style has changed, especially with respect to poetry as I went from writing pieces with choruses that would fit a rhythm and meter, to just long pieces with rhyme and tune to free verse and to narrative style. And it’s nice to see that, but I just felt like as I moved to more free verse and narrative, the sense of music started to slip out, and as much as it’s not a bad thing and these are individual styles in itself too, a part of me really doesn’t want to let go of the previous ones. These are where I started and I still would love to go back to the same. Write to the music in my head.

Image result for dead poets society quotes
Image Source: pinterest.com

Today, I was discussing with a friend how certain people just use fancy words while talking or writing just to sound smarter. Now to me, writing is about communicating something so I believe it should be simplistic but at the same time good enough to convey the message you want to put across/make another person visualise something well enough. But then again, the simplicity of writing is a subjective concept. What is simplistic to me, might not be the same for the next person. Maybe I’ll feel dumb for not understanding certain terms, and the other person just finds these same terms normal. But what might be a good thing to do here, is probably find out what these fancy words you don’t know mean are. Not only would that add to one’s vocabulary, but also make them realize if the person writing/speaking is making any sense or not.

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Image Source: fanfest.com

And, lastly, tomorrow morning, the first thing I do, even before I brush my teeth is, turn my laptop on, and download the first episode of Game of Thrones Season 7. Because WINTER IS FINALLY HERE. The Great War is here. And anybody who gives me spoilers should know that I choose violence πŸ™‚

 

 

#Sundays- Moving out, and Appearances.

So my ‘post every Sunday regime’ got broken already as I didn’t post last Sunday. Hmm, that’s a bit of sad state my dedication levels are at. You’d think this would be a long post, but sadly, it isn’t.

For starters, I’m back in Bangalore. Single room, quiet and simple town life. We were busy moving everything to the new room, which would explain why I couldn’t post. As the week progressed, I saw newbies come to our PG. And just like any other senior, I find them dumb. It’s funny watching them struggle to carry their huge bags up the stairs and asking very stupid questions, not knowing the locality, etc. Such a throwback to last year when we were in their place. I love knowing that a year has gone by. We are no more the new batch. We are seniors. And it’s another three years till the degree.

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Image Source: foodlovers.in

Today we went to The Teal Door Cafe, for lunch, with the dear family of my close PGmates. And as much as I’m not a fan of going out, or spending much anymore, I appreciate the presence of certain people quite a lot even if I fail at expressing it. We always have those people who make things seem alright. And it’s so nice to have them around. Although next time, I’d probably like going for dinner instead of lunch because I don’t want to wake up, haha.

As I moved out, I was a bit worried if I’d find myself lonely sometimes. But at least for now I don’t. I find myself at the old building with my friends pretty much every day, also given the fact that the mess is there. It’s nice to know that I can just show up there and we can spend time together, have a good chat, eat, and have fun. It’s also nice that I can come back here and enjoy my peace. However, I still haven’t quite figured out why this place feels safe and my home in Mumbai doesn’t. Maybe someday I’ll know.
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Lately, I realized when you’re close to someone, you give them rights, to be honest with you, but sometimes it might come out wrong. Like being honest is good, being honest about how someone looks is not? I don’t think one person or a bunch of close ones should get to decide what looks good on you and what doesn’t. People who are close to you are supposed to be the ones who see beauty in you the way you are, and not ones who ask you to change things about yourself just so you look appealing to them. There are so many dumb people out there with nothing but good eyebrows, nobody goes and asks them to get a brain transplant, so hey, how about we stop making it seem like you can’t do a thing if you don’t look pretty?

 

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#Sundays- Expenses, Approaches and Going back.

I’m so lazy, sleepy and unproductive.

As usual, I write at the end of the day. I’d like to pretend that I do so because I want to experience whatever this day has to offer me, and then pen whatever gets stuck on my mind, but as we know I’m too much of a pessimistic, lazy, procrastinating asshole for that. But today, I am writing about something about the day. We went for dinner to this really fancy restaurant. And now, my parents seem to be totally fine with the overpriced items on the menu, but I wasn’t. Of course, they are paying, so I do not need to worry, but I can’t help but do so. I’ve become so used to my staying away lifestyle, where I have to worry about expenses, that a good majority of things are expensive for me. Yes, that restaurant was genuinely expensive, but lately, I’ve come to realize how obsessed I am with how much things are costing. Moreover, me being the pessimistic person I am, is no help whatsoever, as I let my mind wander and convince myself that I won’t get a job or grades, or anything that I probably want, even if I work for it. I’ve come to realize that I need to stop worrying about a job, and paying my parents back for investing in my costly as hell degree, for now at least. I need to just keep giving my best at what I do, and hopefully, things fall into place. But all of this is better said than done. I know once I get back to Bangalore by the weekend, I’ll be back to being the person who has accepted that she won’t get a job as a product designer, as a fact.

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Image Source: pexels.com

Talking about Bangalore, I have gotten myself so comfortable at home, it’s going to take me a few days getting used to PG life again. But I know I will be able to, given the friends I have there. I’ll of course be missing home, and the people who make this city home. The part about being in Mumbai I like the most is the food, but also that I don’t have to care about anything. Parents are here, and living under their roof has rules, but there’s a lot of being carefree too. Being an introvert, I don’t go out often especially at night or anything, thus not breaking any of their rules. Plus hey, I don’t have to worry about money, or where anything is kept, or cleanliness, etc. Fully dependant life that I totally enjoyed for two whole months, with no shame whatsoever. It’s going to be hard getting back to doing certain chores at least, even though most things at PG are managed by the domestic helpers there. But a part of me knows I have to do this, because literally, the only thing I accomplished in the past two months is being lazy and unproductive. Yes, when I’m in Bangalore I have to be responsible and worried, and I become pessimistic and annoying but in all honesty, all that does lead me to do what I do, and utilize the minimum amount of spare time I get into doing something I like pretty well. So yeah, it might be a bit hard for the first few days, but eventually, I know I’ll get used to it again, and it’ll all be good.

 

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#Sundays- Cricket, Memes and Creativity.

Well, well, well…

Today, we saw Pakistan emerge victorious in the ICC Champions Trophy, and let’s say quite a few Indians were really really disappointed. As usual, our news channels were quick at pointing out flaws, adding exaggerated headlines, and what not. It’s so easy to do so, isn’t it? Sit in front of a screen, or even in a stadium, and just pass comments. It’s so easy to judge when the subject isn’t you. But when it’s something personal or close, we have to be sensitive and defend ourselves against everything anyone has to say. Now I’m someone who admires performing arts. I’ve also been onstage a few times now and then. Even then there’s a kind of pressure. Stage fright and nervousness about how things will turn out. And this is to a tiny audience, nothing major. When cricketers play in a stadium, the people are in thousands. Cheering and booing at their every move. Even if you practise day and night there’s got to be pressure. And nobody likes losing. You can be sporting about the defeat but nobody plays with an intention to lose. Moreover, as I said, pointing fingers is easy. Doing something isn’t. People in our country, don’t just see Cricket as a sport. It’s more to them. A lifeline of sorts. But at some point, everyone has to understand that the players are humans too and wins and losses are bound to happen. They lost, it’s alright. Life goes on…

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Image Source: Hindustan Times

But what I also like about this is the amount of humour. For a lover of memes like me, it’s a beautiful time to exist. For once, I find myself sharing memes on the entire scenario of the match that is going on, and not self-deprecating ones. Before the match, I saw memes mocking the other team, and when we were on the losing side, I saw memes about that too. Like we can make memes out of anything. Humour just comes to us, doesn’t it? I love how this happens though. This is a situation where all my die-hard cricket fan buddies are genuinely disappointed. Yet something about these memes and humour is helping them out here. Humour, rising out of sadness. Impressive.

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Image Source: Firstpost

On the other hand, we did win the Hockey World League semi-finals. This was India V/S Pakistan too, and we won by 7-1. But of course, much importance isn’t being given here, because it’s not cricket. Huge victory anyway though. It’s high time everyone started noticing and giving importance to sports other than cricket too.

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Image Source: pexels.

In other irrelevant news, I continue having my minor jerks of creativity, where I need to get my ideas somewhere. This used to happen to me with respect to book plots because I really want to be an author someday. Now, it happens to me with film plots too. And of course, all these ideas lie idle in one corner of my head. Hopefully, I get them on paper someday. Maybe that’d be more plausible if I was more organised with what I did and how I did. For example, if I wrote regularly, I’d probably have a book by now, but no, I don’t. Because I keep procrastinating under the pretext of ‘not being inspired enough to pen down anything.’ I wonder if it happens to every creative person though? Random ideas and then not really knowing what to do with it. Or just not being inspired enough. Or wanting to see the end of that idea but not being able to do justice to work on it.

 

 

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#Sundays- Rains and Longing

I might be a bit obsessed with rains..

As I write this, with a stomach overly filled because of my inability to stop eating when there’s good food, regardless of how full I already am, I look back over the week I had, my eyes slightly drooping as the clock strikes 11:38 pm. Funny how doing absolutely nothing can also tire you out.

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Image Source: http://www.pexels.com

Over the past week, I had the joy of witnessing a lot ofΒ  rains in my city of Mumbai. However, these weren’t proper downpours, the kind that I like. But rains nevertheless, appreciated by the pluviophile that I am. A part of me awaits to go to Bangalore and move into my new room, which is closer to the terrace so I can go to the terrace whenever it rains, and just sit there enjoying the feeling of water droplets falling all over me, consuming me. What I have also come to realize is the different scenarios associated with rain needn’t necessarily feel the same to all. Like I always thought that reading a book as it rains, and sipping coffee at the same time, is a heavily blissful experience, but as someone who tried it, let’s say I didn’t particularly enjoy it. It wasn’t bad, it was just not out of the ordinary for me, individually. On the other hand, sleeping to the sound of rain pouring outside, hitting on rooftops and making noise has got to be one of the best feelings to me personally.

Water Droplets on Clear Glass
Image Source: http://www.pexels.com

 

It really needs to pour for a few days at a stretch here in Mumbai. It bothers me to know that these showers can’t tame the heat here. It needs to get colder and more pleasant. Now that’s what I love and miss about Bangalore. The climate is heavenly compared to home. Yes, it’s cold and it takes incredible efforts to get out of bed every morning to get to college but sometimes that’s literally all you need and want.

 

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