As usual, I write at the end of the day. I’d like to pretend that I do so because I want to experience whatever this day has to offer me, and then pen whatever gets stuck on my mind, but as we know I’m too much of a pessimistic, lazy, procrastinating asshole for that. But today, I am writing about something about the day. We went for dinner to this really fancy restaurant. And now, my parents seem to be totally fine with the overpriced items on the menu, but I wasn’t. Of course, they are paying, so I do not need to worry, but I can’t help but do so. I’ve become so used to my staying away lifestyle, where I have to worry about expenses, that a good majority of things are expensive for me. Yes, that restaurant was genuinely expensive, but lately, I’ve come to realize how obsessed I am with how much things are costing. Moreover, me being the pessimistic person I am, is no help whatsoever, as I let my mind wander and convince myself that I won’t get a job or grades, or anything that I probably want, even if I work for it. I’ve come to realize that I need to stop worrying about a job, and paying my parents back for investing in my costly as hell degree, for now at least. I need to just keep giving my best at what I do, and hopefully, things fall into place. But all of this is better said than done. I know once I get back to Bangalore by the weekend, I’ll be back to being the person who has accepted that she won’t get a job as a product designer, as a fact.
Talking about Bangalore, I have gotten myself so comfortable at home, it’s going to take me a few days getting used to PG life again. But I know I will be able to, given the friends I have there. I’ll of course be missing home, and the people who make this city home. The part about being in Mumbai I like the most is the food, but also that I don’t have to care about anything. Parents are here, and living under their roof has rules, but there’s a lot of being carefree too. Being an introvert, I don’t go out often especially at night or anything, thus not breaking any of their rules. Plus hey, I don’t have to worry about money, or where anything is kept, or cleanliness, etc. Fully dependant life that I totally enjoyed for two whole months, with no shame whatsoever. It’s going to be hard getting back to doing certain chores at least, even though most things at PG are managed by the domestic helpers there. But a part of me knows I have to do this, because literally, the only thing I accomplished in the past two months is being lazy and unproductive. Yes, when I’m in Bangalore I have to be responsible and worried, and I become pessimistic and annoying but in all honesty, all that does lead me to do what I do, and utilize the minimum amount of spare time I get into doing something I like pretty well. So yeah, it might be a bit hard for the first few days, but eventually, I know I’ll get used to it again, and it’ll all be good.
🙂
The Broke Pessimist 